Old Wisdom by Tulah Dixie

I wish I lived in Alaska. Or Norway. Or anywhere but here. Why do I have to exist in this world apart from him? Every time I go to work at the bookstore, there he is, standing behind the counter, smiling at customers, happy in his existence, while I walk to the back of the store to unpack boxes.

It all started four months ago, when I first got the job. I walked to the Science Fiction section, pushing a cart of Star Trek books. I didn't realize they still wrote Star Trek books. As I began putting them on the shelf, he walked by, pausing to smile. I knew at that moment that my life would never be the same.

The first two weeks of our relationship were heaven. The way he looked at me, the feeling of his hand on my hair, everything was perfect. He kissed like an angel, and acted like the perfect gentleman when went out. But then I felt him drawing away, even though I didn't want to admit it. I clung, and clung, but he broke away despite it.

And now he is dating the girl who works at the cafe, gazing sweetly at her from behind he cash register. And I am lonely, watching in my mandatory apron, my heart breaking a little more every day.

During my lunch break one day I stopped at the deli a few stores down for a cookie and a soda. It was pretty packed, so I went outside and sat on a bench. After a few minutes an old man sat down at the other end of the bench, holding a newspaper in one hand, and a leash in the other. His dog was obviously a mutt; maybe on of his ancestors was a golden retriever, who knows.

I nibbled my cookie slowly, watching the shoppers pass by, when he walked by, hand in hand with Ms. Cafe. I didn't realize that I had paused with the cookie in my mouth until the old man spoke.

“I take it you have some feelings for that young man there.” I glanced at him, surprised. I didn't know what to say, was I that obvious? Finally I just nodded.

“I thought I would mourn my first love forever. But then I met my Mable, and we spent 53 wonderful years together. Just wait, you'll meet your real Prince Charming one of these days.”

“Thank you,” I said, at a loss for words. I expected the old man to keep talking, maybe tell me more about Mable, but I glanced at him and his eyes were closed. I studied his wrinkled face, imagining that each line was a trial, or a heartbreak, or maybe even a great joy. Suddenly my love trouble seemed so small, silly. I had the rest of my life, if it took that long, to find the man I would really love. And was that really the most important thing? I vowed then and there to just be happy, now matter where my life took me.

I waited half an hour to talk to the old man again, but he was still snoring softly, and I had to get back to work. So I settled for giving his dog a good scratch behind the ears, and also the last bit of my cookie, then stood up and walked back to work.

As I put stickers on the bargain books later that day, my old love walked by behind me. We hadn't spoken since he'd told me it just wasn't working. Remembering my old friend, I looked right at him and smiled. He looked confused, but I kept smiling and even said hi.

“Uh, hi.” He walked away, looking as wonderful as ever, but for the first time in three months, I didn't look back.