Cotton Candy by Iris Rosewater

Cotton Candy
By: Iris Rosewater

Douglas Hall sat quietly as he watched the last of the vendors pack up his cart for the night. He picked at his cone of cotton candy and wondered how soon his parents would come to retrieve him… and how much trouble he would be in.

A few weeks earlier, Douglas had caught sight of a poster for Bigman and Bigman’s Circus on the bulletin board at the ice cream parlor. He had never been to a circus before, and when he asked his mother if he could go (so excited that he didn’t notice the chocolate dribble down his thumb and plop onto the hot sidewalk) he half expected her to say “no”. “No” was the uniform answer for everything out of their routine… anything that might make him unavailable to babysit his 3 younger siblings. So, when she screwed up her face in thought, he used those few seconds to brace himself for disappointment.

“You know what, honey? That sounds like a lot of fun. I haven’t been to a circus since I was a little girl. And now that Nancy is walking, everyone is just about old enough to enjoy it!” She smiled a rare unburdened smile as she reminisced.

Douglas tried to hide his irritation. He meant to ask if HE could go, just Douglas… and maybe a friend or – if absolutely necessary – one parent. He was 11 years old, for goodness’ sake. As the 3rd child out of 7, Douglas felt old enough to take care of himself, but not old enough to get to do anything exciting. Time to himself was very limited, since he shared a bedroom with his 9-year-old brother, Derek. Derek was the noisy kid, bouncing around and yelling at the top of his lungs while Douglas tried to do his homework. His older sisters had kicked and screamed their way out of babysitting, so he didn’t have much of a life since his parents always needed someone to stay home with the little ones. He was trusted to manage quite a lot in the way of helping. He had been changing diapers since he was about 5. He could sort laundry quicker than anyone, as well as wash and fold 3 loads a day. Douglas was expected to be the extra pair of hands for bottles and drool and sandwiches for lunch. He had done it all without complaint… but it was starting to wear on him. So, when a bright yellow poster with lions and trapeze artists caught his eye, his heart filled with longing to be enveloped in the stuffy darkness of a striped tent, stale popcorn crunching beneath his feet, squinting at the brightness of the spotlights as a man with a black top hat and whip commanded the audience’s attention.

Making the best of it, Douglas prepared with anticipation for the big day. He rushed through his chores to make time for little jobs here and there that would earn him some spending money. He wasn’t sure how much it would cost to ride an elephant (if that was an option) and he wanted to have the means to enjoy every novelty the circus could offer him. As he mowed every lawn and washed every car, he imagined himself in another flight of fancy and ignored the sweat and sore muscles. It would all be worth it, he decided. It would make up for every other bland day of his short life.

When the day came, he was up early, helping with breakfast and dressing his little sister and brothers. They packed food for lunch and bottles of water in backpacks. If you asked him when exactly he planned his little escapade, he may not even be able to tell you really… it seemed almost suggested to him as the morning wore on and his siblings squabbled and fussed. What he really wanted seemed to overtake his usual, compliant nature. Freedom called to him, faintly accompanied by the music of a pipe organ. The idea gained momentum as they bumped along in the van. Douglas was the quiet one. His older sisters chatted and laughed while the younger brothers took turns jabbing each other and crying about it. Nancy kept dropping her binky and Douglas winced every time his mother popped it in her mouth to clean off the dirt. I’m invisible, he thought. I do what I’m told, I get good grades, I don’t ask for much EVER… if I disappeared for a bit, I wonder if anyone would even notice?

The feeling nagged and prodded him as they filed out – a troop of freckled brunettes in varying sizes with yellow shirts on “for safety”. It was a combination of hurt and adrenaline that he felt, realizing his absence probably would take a while for his family to notice, and that he really could have an adventure all to himself. If he had the guts.

It was an enjoyable time. Douglas loved everything about it… the constant tinkling of music and the animals he had never touched (or seen in person) before. He helped little Nancy feed a lamb in the petting zoo, pouring a few pellets of feed into her small hand and holding it up to its velvety lips. They shared paper bags of peanuts still in their lumpy shells. When it came time for the grand performance, Douglas kept accidentally dragging Derek as he led him through the dark. They looked for their seats in the arena, offering occasional apologies for squashed feet, and bumping into each other before finding the perfect group of squeaky fold-down chairs to settle into.

He watched in reverence as the spotlights snapped on and a man with a cartoon-like moustache stood with authority on a round platform above the ground. It began. Acrobats flew through the air, swinging and catching each other miraculously in sparkling blue leotards. A unicyclist balanced 50 feet above them on a tightrope, holding an umbrella. Elephants paraded adorned in red head dresses and beautiful ladies rode them, smiling and waving with white teeth and feathered hats. It was loud. So loud that Douglas was tempted to cover his ears, but he restrained himself because he wanted it all… every bit of the magical effect. He drank in the tigers jumping deftly through flaming hoops and the clowns with their painted faces and ridiculous shoes. He forgot everything but the lights and the glamour. And, in that moment, there was no doubt that he was not finished with his long-awaited day quite yet. Applause thundered. Douglas carefully took Nancy from his sister’s lap and placed her in his seat, climbing over its back into the row behind him. The lights came on and he watched near the exit as his family packed up and prepared to go home and put everyone to bed. A little guilt passed over him, but was quickly replaced by the delight of the possibilities that awaited him.

The wad of dollar bills in his pocket was still well enough to satisfy his needs. He played a few carnival games, knocking over milk bottles and shooting basketballs into snug hoops. He ate warm funnel cake, a caramel apple, and drank two bottles of coke. When he tired of that, he found himself wandering away from the attractions to the alleys behind them – the costume trailers and the animal pens. A weathered-looking man was leading an elephant to her dinner. Douglas stopped in his tracks. The old man hacked a laugh when he saw the boy’s face and introduced the elephant as “Cassie.”

“She’s a sweetheart. Would you like to say hello?” he asked.

Exultant, Douglas ran his fingers down her bristled nose and over the thick skin on her side. He helped the man get her carrots and apples, as well as hay, and watched her trunk nimbly scoop them up and convey them to her enormous mouth. A sudden yelp from the tent beside them caught his attention. He heard shrieks of laughter followed by a gruff reprimand. Douglas thanked the old man and patted Cassie affectionately before making his way to the slit in the tent. Finally, the dusky light of the midsummer sun had faded and the full moon poured soft light over the circus’ jubilance. His family would be home now, he was sure, and finished with a dinner of leftovers from the week before. It would still be a bit chaotic. He figured he still had a little time. Light spilled out of the mysterious tent, and he tilted his head to get a full view of the activity inside. They were acrobats – young ones that he didn’t recognize from the stage show – apparently practicing. A net stretched out below them as they swung and caught each other, occasionally falling and laughing or telling each other off.

“I said on THREE, Lilly! Do you know how to count? THREE!” a saucy girl said irritably. She made her way back up the ladder for another go, her blonde ponytail bobbing behind her with each rung she climbed. Douglas was shocked at how young she looked, maybe only a couple of years older than he.

“Hey, look, Steph! Someone’s come to watch the real show!” Douglas stiffened as he caught sight of her partner standing on the opposite platform. Her hands rested on her hips and she smiled mockingly at him. Stephanie looked annoyed, but Lilly only laughed at his obvious embarrassment. “No one’s going to call the cops or anything. If you want to watch, just ask. We’re only practicing. I’d say it’s about time for a break, anyway,” she said, glancing at Lilly’s rolling eyes as she climbed down.

Douglas was beet red by the time she approached him and introduced herself. She was probably about 15, with black curly hair pulled tightly into a strangled bun. Little dark kinks had broken loose around her brown eyes.

“You look like a dare devil,” she teased. “Wanna try it?”

“Absolutely!” He said, surprised at himself.

His heart beat a little too quickly as he grabbed the bar and prepared to fly, suspended from the ceiling. He went over the instructions she’d given him twice over in his mind and then propelled himself from the platform. His stomach filled with butterflies as the wind hit his face, and he tried desperately not to look down. He heard Lilly shout numbers and then she grabbed his ankles and he let go. Blood rushing to his face, and striped red and white whirring past him, Douglas thought he was the happiest he had ever, ever been. And then he fell 10 feet into the cradling net below them.

“Not bad, kid.” Stephanie admitted, reluctantly. “If you ever run away from home, come find us. We might be able to offer you a job.” Although he was pretty sure she was just being nice, pride filled his chest as he said his goodbyes and walked back out into the darkness.

Looking at his watch, he knew that the kids were now scrambling through the bedtime routine. Water was probably sloshing onto the bathroom floor as one boy clambered out and another splashed in. He only had a little time more, so he wanted to make it count. What should he do last, he wondered. Just then, a weary looking man traipsed ahead of him, donning a black tailed suit coat and carrying a top hat under his arm. He had seemed so dashing on stage, but up close, he looked kind of like Douglas’ father… Just a middle-aged man with eyeliner and an odd moustache. He heard Doug’s feet behind him and turned around.

“Hi there, son,” he smiled. “Where’re your folks?”

“Um, they’re on their way to get me,” he said, realizing that it was really just an assumption.

“It’s time for the lions to eat their supper. Would you care to help me?”

They walked purposefully together and made small talk until they reached the lions’ quarters. The man opened a cooler beside it and pulled out a bag of meat. He told the boy to throw them in from a distance, so he wouldn’t get clawed by anyone who might be too anxious. Douglas watched with interest as the lions devoured their thick cuts of meat, rumbles of pleasure resonating in their powerful chests. He sat with the tired circus man and listened to his stories, enraptured by the life he led. Suddenly, he remembered to check the time, and gasped as he saw his watch. Gratefully, he shook the circus master’s hand and looked into his eyes – seeing himself in the pale blue reflection. And then he dashed out of the alleyways back to the lights and smells of the public side of the circus.

He was sure that right about now, his parents would be finishing their rounds of goodnights and kisses, whereupon they would definitely discover his empty bed. The stalls were closing up shop for the night, so he bought the last of the cotton candy with his fun money for something to occupy his hands. Then, he wandered to the spot where the van had been parked and sat to wait. He put clumps of pink fluff in his mouth, feeling it dissolve sweetly on his tongue. Whatever punishment awaited him would be 100% worth it, he decided. It had been the best night of his whole life, and no one could take that away.

With that thought, he squinted at the headlights of the family van pulling up in front of him. His mother jumped out and caught him in her arms.

“Oh, Douglas, I’m so sorry! I thought you were right there with us, baby! Are you all right?” She asked, frantically examining him for any signs of trauma.

Douglas swallowed down the euphoria that welled up inside him to seem forgiving. “I’m okay, Mom. I knew you’d come back eventually. I just waited where you parked, like a good boy scout.”

He watched the twinkling lights fade behind them as they drove home, thinking upon this night as a chest of treasures he would keep secret. On the dullest of days, he would now be able to open it and relive his adventures any time for the rest of his life, forever.