Excerpt from The Tall Tales of J. Timothy Tawny

by: Daryl Crass Water
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James Timothy Tawny was a doer. This quality, or trait you may call it sometimes landed him in hot water. On the playing field of his life there were no sidelines. His inability to say no took him many places that young boys should not go, and one place young boys go, and only men return……but not J. Timothy. He went and returned as much a boy as ever. Mother Nature herself couldn’t figure that one out. She just sat back and wondered…..”How did J.Timothy do that?”

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Epic would be a good word to describe him. Gargantuan is much too horizontal of a descriptor for a man of his vertical stature. It was fitting that the Finchley Traveling Circus have this giant. Their claim that he was the “TALLEST MAN IN THE WORLD” was probably true.

“3 WHOLE METERS” shouted Mr. Finchley, the Ringleader.

No one in town even knew how tall that was. It took Mr. Finchley a second to understand the confused look on the townsfolk faces, and he quickly did the conversion for them…..this giant was over Nine Feet Tall.

He ambled out from behind the curtain, having to duck his head to enter the tent. Using a flap that allowed a clown riding atop a clown riding atop a clown riding atop a bicycle to pass with ease. He did one awkward circle under the bigtop. Smiling and waving his small hands at all the children who looked on with open-mouthed amazement. Every now and then he winked at the crowd before turning to the train of clowns following him and pretend to scare them away in Godzilla-like fashion. . . only to have the procession reform behind him slowly.

The clowns finally gather the courage and a bucket of water, so when our Epic Giant gets back to the entrance and turns one last time to scare them, but they don’t scatter. Instead they send forth their boldest and bravest (funny description for a clown). He thumbs his nose at the giant and throws the bucket of water at him. In one motion the giant is doused and falls back through the open flap, disappearing in a singular gasp of the crowds’ breath. Leaving a shocked audience and a 3 METER memory….

It seemed simple enough; after all he doesn’t wear his pants when he sleeps. J. Timothy was seated under the bigtop long vacated. Kicking peanut shells and eating cotton candy he got from the concession area. The Circus had been over for 3 hours, and everyone had migrated back to town. Almost everyone…there was still Daryl Greenstreet, who lived on 5th Street, Caroline Crass who always lived down to her name, and Johnny Water from that ‘Sheep Branding Incident’ who thankfully lived UP to his name. They all stayed behind with J.Timothy daring him to sneak back into the circus after hours, and bring back a trophy. Bring back something so particular that no one would doubt he was there.

“Bring back the Tallest Man in World’s Pants?” asked J.Timothy.

He was answered with three excited nods.

J.Timothy was a doer, which in his eyes left him no choice. He headed off in the direction of the trailers where all the performers slept. Wishing he had some shoe-polish camouflage. It is a well known fact amongst young boys, if you want to become invisible at night, just rub shoe polish on your face, (works every time).

Lucky for J.Timothy each trailer was personalized and he spotted the trailer with the sign that said “The Tallest Man in the World”. He thought it strange that his trailer wasn’t larger than the others….but at least his had an awning. J.Timothy stealthily made his way over to the trailer, hiding in shadows and only moving when the coast was clear. He slid under the awning of the trailer and began formulating a plan on how he was going to get in, get the pants and get out.
He was only there a minute when he felt a drop of water land on his shoulder. That first drop of rain is like an alarm in everyone’s mind. Sending a million thoughts through your head. How am I going to stay dry?, how am I going to get home? or how am I going to explain my wet clothes to my mother? Better yet, how is it raining on a crystal clear night?

That’s when it happened. Falling on him like a drop of water from the sky. He looked up and realized that he wasn’t sitting under an awning of a trailer. He was sitting under a pair of pants over 5 feet long drying in the nighttime air. Attached to the trailer at one end and supported not by two poles on the other, but by two stilts. Two long pieces of wood with pedestals to stand on and giant shoes attached at the base (The Giants shoes). He was staring at half of the Tallest Man in the World, taking cover under the very pants he was there to steal. J. Timothy started laughing.

He laughed like a barrel would laugh, if a barrel could indeed laugh. Round, deep, heavy, hard laughter. The kind of laughter that has no inhibitions. The kind of laughter that rolls.

He laughed that shortest “Tall” man awake. He laughed the lights of the trailer on, and the lights of the trailer next to it. He laughed the neighbors awake, and Mr. Finchley the ringleader. He laughed “The Bearded Lady” awake, who come to think of it, was probably just an ugly man in a dress, and he laughed even more. He laughed the circus animals awake, and all the clowns. He laughed the Strongman and the makeshift security over. He laughed as they grabbed him from his hiding place and began the procession that would lead him out.

This line of performers and animals moved like a parade on the Fourth of July with none other than J. Timothy’s laughter as the music. Marching through the circus like a funeral procession with mismatched music of rolling laughter. Finally ending this curious parade at the front gate. Across the street were his friends who, for the second time tonight, looked on with open-mouthed amazement.

With no pants in hand, but still victorious, because truth be told, at that moment, raised high above the circus performers heads, the Tallest Man in the World was none other than James Timothy Tawny (and he was wearing his pants) … mischief extraordinaire……and he laughed.